Product Roadtest: Mascara

Lauren tried:

L’Oréal - Lash Architect

You, you were free. And there’s nothing I like better than something free. But you’re also a bit hopeless and leave me looking like a racoon. And there’s nothing I dislike more than something hopeless. On the whole, I feel pretty mediocre about you.

The mascara substance (Liquid? Solid? Mousse?) itself is strangely dry and chunky, like half baked clay. During the hours after application the area under my eyes is flecked and smudged, even my cheeks sometimes taking the hit. The brush is nothing special, there’s no separation and no incredible lengthening effect. I probably wouldn’t pick up this guy even as another freebie.

The Body Shop - Big and Curvy

Every time I wear this mascara I keep telling myself that it’s fine. Everyone else keeps telling me that it’s fine. And it is. Fine. It’s just that when I spend money on something, fine doesn’t really cut it. I did a couple of hours of more than fine work to afford this little tube and brush, and I expect a more than fine payback.

In terms of the product it really just does its job. It’s black, it coats the eyelashes, doesn’t clump badly or fall off or smudge. It doesn’t even look like I’m wearing mascara, which I think is the crux of my problem. I don’t wear mascara often, when I choose to it’s usually for a special occasion. When I wear mascara I want to look different than I do everyday; more dramatic, beautiful, eye-catching. I don’t want to look fine. Conclusion: this mascara is probably great for everyday wearers. It’s a solid offering, just not my first pick.

Lancome – Hypnose

At age sixteen I bought a Lancome Hypnose in Noir duty free because my adolescent make up kit didn’t have any mascara in it and the name sounded pretty. Love, at first flutter, was soon upon me.

This mascara provides a covering that is smooth, thick and even. The brush makes application to both top and bottom lashes an achievable feat, and with nicely tapered edges accessing the corner lashes isn’t such a high stakes ‘you could lose your eyesight from this’ event. The thing I love most about Hypnose is that while it stays on flawlessly, it also comes of easily when it’s time for removal. This mascara is classic and high class, and while it does nudge the upper price ranges, sometimes it’s worth it to pay a little extra for a lot of extra value.

Ell-Leigh tried:

AVON - superSHOCK

You are promise in a bottle. Your brush, so many points! So separate-y! I put it on and look a million bucks almost every time. It’s like a mass separation of conjoined twins on my eyes. It’s great! I look awesome! LOOK AT MY EYES.

Then I go out, and I do things, and the illusion of gorgeous lashes fails as over the hours the curl droops, and the dry mascara bits flake away. You’re superbly water-resistant, to that point that it’s hard to get what hasn’t already flaked away off my eyes. You’re like a caffeine addict after their first coffee of the morning, spritely and chipper for the first few hours and then the cravings set in and you lose you’re oomph. A little later you’re a total wreck, too exhausted and cranky to move. Conclusion: great for it’s low, low price, especially if you’re only going to be in public for a few hours (especially if those hours in public include watching Toy Story 3 or The Notebook – this mascara won’t budge.)

DIOR - Diorshow BlackOut

Divine One, it was almost worth the trip to America and the 7 or 8 kilos I gained there just to bring you home at the actually affordable price I got you for on that fateful day in Santa Monica. Oh yes, it may have taken me a while to get used to your brush which was much larger than my previous mascara (the above mentioned Lancome Hypnose), and sure, I may have poked myself in the eye a few too many times to mention and still keep my dignity in place, but despite our shaky start I feel that in you I have found a true friend.

Sure, sometimes you seem a little too glamorous and elegant for my day to day wear, and sure, when you come with me to parties they aren’t the extravagant, star studded type you were designed for, but I know that you’ll stick with me despite it being a little lower than your standards. You’ll remind me, as I glance at my reflection in a window, that, hey, that’s right, I do look gorgeous, despite how lame I might feel inside. And when my shoes are hurting my feet too much, you’ll be there whispering, “They aren’t looking at your feet, darling” and then as I’ll walk about barefooted feeling as if it gives me a sense of mystique. Will I be buying more of you on my trip to Hawaii next month? Without doubt. Because you aren’t just mascara. You’re self esteem in a bottle.