Friday, March 18, 2011

How NOT to Facebook; Part Two.

Ell-Leigh Says;

Facebook. It’s a noun, it’s a verb, it’s a way of instantly communicating with hundreds of your “friends” despite distance (figurative and literal) but as it was said in the first Spiderman movie, "with great power comes great responsibility". My friends, it’s time to man-up and take responsibility. Stop abusing your friendships through poor Facebook etiquette, self-indulgent status updates and badly photoshopped profile pictures. Really people? What, what, what are you doing.

Picture this. Out in the wide universe there is a race, like us, only peaceful and intelligent. They have searched for millennia for a species like their own. They pick up some sort of foreign signal from a far away galaxy, which those who inhabit it call The Milky Way. The leaders announce the discovery and the masses rejoice. Their best and brightest are banded together to make some sense of this signal – working tirelessly for hours until suddenly, one of them, a young spectacled green skinned nerd named Mahbleakbleak, finds the key – the key that unlocks what we call, the internet.

Mostly it is full of porn, thinspo blogs, illegal movies, poorly written fanfiction and videos of people’s pets or children doing generally "cute" (translation: boring and pointless) things. With a little research they discover that a website called Facebook is the means of understanding the human race. They open the website and what do they find?

Blah blah just got a high score on bejewelled! So-and-so’s status update; “mym mom is lyk, a total bitch cuz she took my fone! I h8 her so much I wanna dye! BTW plz chck out my new photoooooz plz plz luv ya byeeeee”, a hacked account say how “omg, this teenage girl posted this video just before she committed suicide”, and “Britney”, the bleach blonde with the suggestive photo who has sent them a friend request.

Would you want to befriend our civilisation? I didn’t think so.

So I understand that the above illustration may seem a little far-fetched, but the basis is true – people judge you according to your facebook profile. This is a modern day truth. Companies who might hire you can find you and the photos of your drunken shenanigans with a quick search and click, family members can find that publicly erotic message you left on that guy’s photo and your attention seeking status updates can seek more attention than perhaps you intended. Most of all, however, your friends see what you put on Facebook, and sometimes, it pisses them off.

Take a look at Lauren’s flow chart. Are you guilty of any of these Facebook sins? I would also include heartfelt status updates of Nickleback lyrics or public narrow-minded opinion arguing in that list as well. If so, you’re not doing this whole internet thing very well, so prepare to change or pay the price.

Because Facebook is something we do have the power to change, which is probably why so many people love it. It’s easy, efficient, and reliable and you have almost complete control over it. Don’t like what someone wrote on your wall? Clickety-click and it’s gone. Don’t like that photo someone posted of you? 2 words – un and tag. Your profile can be smear free if you put the effort in and abstain from indulging in social networking sins. So let’s all band together for a cleaner, less embarrassing Facebook. After all, our galactic friendships may one day count on it.

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