Conforming to What?

Image source here.

Lauren Says: 

Conformity is such an issue once you hit teenagerdom, such a frustrating, pointless issue. As a kid you don’t care if everyone else likes the same stuff as you, that doesn’t make it any less cool for you. If anything, liking the same thing as everyone else helps you fit in when you’re under twelve. Hit thirteen though, and it’s like a switch is flicked to snob setting, and all of a sudden liking the same band or movie as other people becomes trés uncool (give it five more years, and so does dropping French into your everyday language).

It gets worse as you get older, and once university begins there’s a nearly obscene race to know of the most obscure musicians, espouse wanky crap about artists and forms no one has ever heard of, be inspired by authors who only wrote on novella, in Greek, about the tragedy of the human experience. Everything from hairstyles to fashion to stationery brands becomes involved in this competition to be most different from the crowd, to not ‘conform’.  

But what exactly are you conforming to? Does liking the new Katy Perry song really define anything about you? It certainly doesn’t make you the same as every other Katy Perry fan, surely we all realise that, there are just too many variables there. So why all this inane pretentiousness?

I have to say, I’m a bit of a snob myself when it comes to sharing my preferences around. If I like a band that’s not so popular in Australia yet, I sometimes don’t spread word too far around about the music, just because I like some things to be special and don’t always want to be involved in everyone else’s dialogues. I like to think that my experience has been unique. I think we all feel this way about certain things, and that that’s ok. What I don’t think is that we should deliberately avoid liking things that are more popular just because other people do. It’s plain silly, really, and the only impact this brings about is that we miss out on good things.

It should also be stated that choosing to take the ‘road less popular’ is still making a choice to be like a group of people, the ‘road less popular’ people. It’s certainly not a unique choice to make. Which is fine, except I’m not sure it’s a very good choice to make either. Choosing to dislike whatever anyone else likes really sets you up to have limited options.

I think it’s time to put a stop to this circus, or at least, I’m going to. It’s just so tiring, isn’t it, always avoiding the trend? Wouldn’t it be easier to simply be, to like what you like, dislike what you don’t and stop caring about everyone else? Let’s save the word conforming for the big issues like patriotism and gender roles, things you can actually conform to, and leave our taste in music, media and clothes out of it.

Ell-Leigh says:

To conform or not to conform, that is the question… Whether tis nobler in the mind to covet the EPs and Albums of obscure indie bands no one has heard of, or to, okay, I give up... Er, listen to Britney’s new album until you know all of the lyrics by heart or such and such a “total sell out band who’s first album was clearly superior” ’s third or fourth album because you simply like it. Of course that’s not the only way one can conform – but it seems to be one of the most prevalent in my life at the moment. So I’ll focus on that one.


This week I read Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby. The general gist of the book goes like this; Annie has just realised that she’s wasted the last fifteen years living in a go-nowhere town, dating Duncan, a university lecturer obsessed with a recluse, obscure musician from the 80’s named Tucker Crowe. When they are sent a cd of never before heard, unfinished demo tracks, Annie brushes it off as incredibly inferior to the finished product, an opinion which Duncan not only disagrees with, but considers a huge cultural faux par. After both expressing their thoughts through articles on Duncan’s Tucker website, Annie receives an email thanking her for her kind words and agreeing with what she’d written– could it be the real Tucker Crowe?

It is a great book, and I devoured every page. I made a point to underline and circle the page number of this particular quote; There was a same need for obscurity, the same suspicion that if a piece of music had reached a large number of people, it had somehow been drained of its worth (p133). Sure, sometimes a song is massively over played and you want to rip your ears off whenever you hear the lead singer of Kings of Leon singing about how his Sex is on Fire. (It’s been said once, and I’ll say it again, your doctor can give you a cream for that.) However, surely the merit of a song can’t rest on its obscurity? It’s a bit like the whole tree falling in a forest thing; if a good song is played but nobody who hears it wants it to stay as obscure as possible, does the song really exist? Surely there have been some incredibly beautiful, outrageous or just plain awesome songs written that have never gotten big, or gotten heard by many people at all – the question is, does this tarnish the song’s actual brilliance, and if not, for those who do hear it, does it’s obscurity really make it better? A superior song, culturally?

Why should we conform to not liking a certain band just because everyone else has heard of them? Doesn’t getting voted into the top ten of the Hottest 100 ensure that the song is actually good, not the opposite (this doesn’t count for music by The John Butler Trio…). Perhaps, as someone recently told that she was out of her uncle’s will because Britney’s new album was on her iPhone, I’m a little biased towards the idea that the hugeness of an album doesn’t make it inferior, and that conforming to the snobbery of popular music is just another way to disregard your true feelings. How can you stay true to yourself when you brush off an album because critically, or socially, it is considered poor taste?

I have concluded that it all comes down to being content and happy with who you are; whether that means your iPod is filled with Gaga or Dylan, obscure demos from unheard of screamo bands or gigs of pop music from the 90’s. It’s really just a case of owning your taste in music and not letting others’ opinions let what that music means to you change. I love Jeff Buckley; one of my besties described it as having “more wailing than the South Seas” (BONUS POINTS for MEGA-PUN). That doesn’t mean that either of us is more or less superior, culturally speaking than the other, it just means that I like my music deep, mournful and dramatic and she likes hers with a smidge less of the angst. Before I had the epiphany that popular music doesn’t necessarily equal bad music, I used to hate Lady Gaga because I thought she was a musician who hid her lack of talent behind flashy costumes, film clips and leotards. Now I have all her albums and love them, because they’re fun. Sure, some of it is “bad”, but that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to love it.

How My Silly Small Fears Do Good

Spiders are one of my silly small (big) fears. I was going to put an actual picture of a spider up, but they all made me a bit squeamish, so instead I give you nail scissors spider, because as a child I also had a fear of having my nails cut. Creepy Scissor Spider found here. 

We all have them. The ‘silly’ fears and phobias that we laugh at, based on nothing tangible but still making us jump. Or at least I hope we all do, because I think these ‘silly’ fears might serve a bigger purpose.

I separate these fears from my proper fears by matter of experience. For example, I am afraid of someone breaking into my house while I’m sleeping because it’s happened in the past and it was damn scary. That, because it’s possible, I put down as a legitimate fear.

Laying awake at night, listening to noises that might just be in your head, sure that someone is working their way in to get you is not healthy, it’s crippling*. My fear of spiders, which I class as a silly small fear, is not though, it’s actually kind of helpful. Let me explain how: when I’m putting on my shower cap before having a bathe, I’m thinking of nothing other than looking inside, stretching it over my hair, securing it in place. I’m completely focussed on the now, there is no worry about work, about my appearance, about what I’m going to eat or what time I need to leave. It’s all shower cap. You know why? I’m absolutely convinced that one day there will be a crazy, man eating spider hiding inside. This fear though, instead of really negatively impacting my life, just allows for shower cap time to be almost meditative, as I focus completely and solely on one action at a time. It’s a fine line, but I find encouragement in draing it.

I also class my dislike of flying as a silly small fear. Logically, I know all the statistics about air travel being much safer than road travel, and I’ve never experienced even the slightest issue when flying. Get me in a plane, though, and I am constantly aware of my surroundings, the sensations of the motion, the muffled announcements coming from the cockpit and the statistical readings flicking onto the television screen about altitude, speed and air temperature. When flying, again I am completely in the now.

From this I learn about the amazing focus and attention skills I have when I apply my mind to only what is happening in the moment. Of course, I’d like to not only use these skills when I’m freaking out about something, but I think it’s almost like a natural jolt or practice technique to get me back where I’m meant to be mentally. Is the lesson here to do things that scare me more often so that I completely focus? Possibly it is.

Do you have any silly (or maybe not so much) small fears that help keep you in the present?

*Disclaimer: I’m actually nowhere near as scared of robbers as I was before the idiot tried to break in. I scared that fool away like nobody’s business and now consider myself the ultimate intruder defence system.  

A Look At The Quarter Life Crisis

 Advice like this is really irritating when your going through a Quarter Life Crisis. 

Quarter Life Crisis is a term commonly used to describe the feeling of anxious melancholy that befalls some people as they head into their twenties and really hit the ‘quarter’ of their foreseeable life expectancy mark. Commonly, these people have travelled straight through school and higher education and have begun to work in their chosen careers when struck with a seemingly insurmountable feeling of doom as the question begins to beg; is this really it?

From My Experience

I remember reading about the Quarter Life Crisis phenomena when I was still a teenager and the term was starting to become really big. At that stage, I had just begun university and had no doubt in my mind about how bright and breezy my future was going to be. I somewhat doubted that I was going to have a QLC of my own, but thought that it sounded a bit exciting and wondered if there was a chance of getting a sports car out of it.

Move forward a couple of years and land in 2010, where I found myself not in the midst of what I would call a crisis as such, but would say that I had entered into the phase of life wherein I was realising that whole gig is sometimes very difficult, very boring and very scary. The bad bits of that year stacked up together with the disappointing parts and sometimes overshadowed the (many, don’t get me wrong) good times. There were days, yes, when I felt a little bit crisis-ey and when perspective was not my strongest attribute, and it was on these days that I returned to look at those Quarter Life Crisis articles with fresh, experienced eyes.

What They Say

Most theorists break down the causes or motivations of QLC’s into several parts, usually including work and career disillusionment, perceived lack of meaningful relationships, the feeling of youth slipping away and life not being as peachy and simple as was initially expected. From my experience these categories are pretty much spot on. Some of my favourite reads on the subject have been Christine Hassler’s 20 Something Manifesto (more on this one later), Gala Darling’s thoughts on the subject and the ever wonderful Allie’s musings over on Hyperbole and a Half.

I think, and I’m pretty sure this isn’t too original a thought, that the advent of the QLC has come about because of the attitudes and beliefs that us twenty-somethings have fostered relating to life, the main and most problematic of these being:

*I want to do it all now, I want to achieve it all now, I want to have it all now: - we might have made goals for the future, but what we really want is to see the results today.

*Life should be AWESOME, all the time: - We have calibrated our measure of life against a scale of ecstatic excitement and everlasting awesomeness, which doesn’t really allow for the inevitable challenges, tedium and mundane but necessary every day routines that we have to go through. By comparison, our lives always fail to measure up.

*Life needs structure, rules, boundaries and certainties: - As much as we like being spontaneous and crazy when we’re young, we also thrive from routine, structure and knowing what to expect. In this respect, the jump from scholarly life to fully fledged adult life can be huge, and all those so-called ‘inspirational sayings’ about how death is life’s only certainty only add mortality worries to our growing complex.

*“I have no idea what I actually want to do with my life, my future is a blurry haze of nothing and every day of indecision I inch closer to inevitable regret, doom and failure”: - It might sound dramatic, but this is how a lot of people going through a quarter-life-crisis feel. After being told for years that we can ‘do anything we want to do, anything at all’, there’s a lot of pressure to make the right decision. After all, if you had the option of choosing from anything, and you chose the wrong thing, you’d look pretty foolish, right? But how do you know what you want, what does wanting something even feel like? And how much can you trust you ability to want the right thing?

How To Deal

Just as the beginning of a Quarter Life Crisis is kicked off by a series of life revelations, so is the ending. Breaking through a QLC requires you to firstly prove to yourself that you are the most powerful entity in when it comes to shaping the outcome of you life, which is one of the most important life lessons you can learn.

The key, I think, to moving forward, is acknowledging that it’s up to you to take the first step. If it had to be all boiled down to just one thing, I would say that Quarter Life Crises are spawned from each individual’s fear of taking charge of their own life. We have an idea that life is meant to play by the rules, or at least play out in some form or another, but unless we take an active role and not just relax passively on the side lines life will go nowhere. Taking responsibility for our actions and their long term results is a very scary prospect, making the choice that ensure that the results happen is difficult, but handily we’re helped along by our new mantle of adulthood, wherein the safety blankets are taken away and we are left with very few people to blame if things don’t turn out.

My tip for beginning the end of a QLC is quite simple, but not always all that easy. You need to think about what is upsetting you most about life, what is the major disappointment. Whether that’s career, relationships, spirituality or health, you then need to set yourself one, and only one, achievable and tangible goal within that area for the next month. Focus largely on the process of realising that goal, track your progress and understand the choices that you are making to get to where you want to be. When you do get there, celebrate it and acknowledge what you’ve just done. Rinse and repeat until your battered self esteem begins to mend and you begin to be excited again about the possibilities your life holds.

In my research for this article, I came across a trailer for a movie actually called Quarter Life Crisis. That movie looked completely awful. While watching that trailer though, I then came across this trailer, which I found a bit intriguing. Please watch and enjoy, and let me know if you’ve seen it and if I should give it a go!

How To: Update Your Personal Style (In Particular, Your Wardrobe)

Most of us agree that our personal style is important and that how we present ourselves outwardly affects both how we feel inwardly and how the world at large treats us. As we go about our lives, we naturally update our beliefs, routines and values as our range of experiences broadens, but how do we go about updating our personal style to suit the new person we’ve become?

“‘Style’ is an expression of individualism mixed with charisma.” John Fairchild

All images in this post are taken from my own personal 'style inspiration file'. Most are quite old and I haven't saved the sources, so if you know where they come from please let me know and I will credit them properly immediately.

Personal style is just that; it’s personal and as such it should be unique. The clothing you choose to wear should say something about the person you’re trying to be, what you value and what you like. Sometimes, though, what we wear can become a bit out of step with who we really are. Taking time to recalibrate your wardrobe and style to make sure it aligns with the persona you’d like to be portraying can make a world of difference to your confidence and to how people perceive you.

Questions To Consider When Updating Your Style:

What Makes You Comfortable?

When it comes to looking good in any clothing, comfort is key. We all have different thresholds for clothing comfortability tolerance; some people will only be happy when wearing the cosiest of clothing, while others will sacrifice sore toes to wear high heels all night because it makes them feel special and confident. The important thing is to understand your limits and needs before picking out clothes. For example, I detest wearing anything tight around my waist that might slip down constantly or will stop me from sitting or standing comfortably. I know that if I’m trying on a dress that’s completely unfitted, and the sales assistant tells me it’s made to look great with a belt cinching it in, it’s not the dress for me.

Nothing is less attractive than a person whinging about the clothes/shoes/accessories that they chose to wear, and nothing makes you lose confidence faster than feeling like you can’t pull off the outfit you’re wearing. Before you do any shopping, swapping or restyling, make sure you have a think about what you actually like to wear and what you don’t.

What Makes You Confident/What Makes You Feel Good?

Chances are you already own one outfit that you really love to wear, that makes you feel strong, happy, invincible and independent. It might be the special combination of pieces that you save for job interviews, it might be the one dress you’ve worn every time you’ve had a fantastic night out dancing, it might be your wedding outfit or the clothes you put on for the days when you need to do some super productive studying at home before exams. Have a think about that outfit and what it is that makes it special to you, whether it’s the cut, the material, the design or the story behind your ownership of it so that you can incorporate some of those aspects into your everyday wardrobe. After all, saving the strong, happy, invincible and independent outfits for special just means that you spend a whole bunch of days in between big events feeling pretty mediocre.

What Inspires You?

I find that I draw most of my style inspiration from what I can see around me, and with style being such a visual and emotive medium, it’s easy to see why this is a common finding. Often I will be inspired by movie characters, the pictures of people attached to really interesting interviews or by someone I see on the street or on the internet.

When you see a style or outfit you like, something that you just can’t get out of you head, have a think about what it is that attracts you to it. It might be the colour scheme, the silhouette, the panache of the wearer or the hint of the attitude that person is exuding. Understanding why you like what you like will help you understand how you can incorporate these inspirations into your own daily style. 

What Do You Have Already?

You might be starting to think that this style update thing is going to cost you a pretty penny, but it shouldn’t have to. Make sure you have a good sort through the clothes that you already have, giving the items that you don’t want to wear anymore to friends or charity (after all, one man’s worn out, ill fitting suit is another man’s vintage treasure). Chances are a lot of what you already own will fit in with your new style direction already, or will with a little tweaking. You were still you when you bought it all, after all, and a style update doesn’t necessarily mean complete personality overhaul.

What Is Your Plan?

If you’ve decided that what you’d like to be your style and what you’re actually wearing just don’t match up, it might be time for a bit of shopping. You might be cheering, you might be groaning, but either way if it’s new clothes you need then you’ll have to get them from somewhere. The best way to combat problems in this area (overspending/fitting room angst/buying items that fall outside of the style you’ve just decided you’re going for) is to have pre-formulated a good plan.

You need firstly to decide upon a budget. Spending more than you can afford or shopping in stores way out of your price range is not going to make you feel good about yourself, and thus will defeat the entire purpose of this activity. Know how much you are happy to spend before you spend it and if you think your will power might be tested, make sure you only have that amount accessible to you.

You also need to keep in mind that moderation is key here, remembering how fast your tastes can change. It would be silly to spend thousands of dollars kitting yourself out with a full leather wardrobe to perfect the tough rockstar chic look you have in mind for this winter, if by next year you’ll be all about flower power and making daisy chains not war. My rule of thumb is to buy two or three new, good quality pieces at the beginning of winter and then again at summer, with the possibility of adding some new basics (for me; singlets to be layered, colourful tights, cardigans) if need be.

Think about how the new items you buy might match with what you already own. There’s no point in buying a whole bunch of separates that clash with each other and then having to buy more new items to match them just so you can wear them.

Your clothing is of course only one aspect of your style, and it’s certainly possible to wear clothes that you absolutely love without loving yourself in them. To have a truly unique-to-you style means understanding who you really are and accepting it, because otherwise you’ll always just be playing dress up as the person you think you should be. My last tip; there is nothing more stylish than a person who respects themselves and is not afraid to show it.

The Ink Debate

image source: http://inkbutter.com/

Ell-Leigh Says

I think that tattoos can be pretty awesome. Just the other day I was sitting in Dominos checking out a cute curly haired guy with some sweet ink on his leg. Girls can look gorgeous with tattoos, and sometimes when I see a pretty chick with an arty tat I get a little jealous. Because I know that I will never get a tattoo.

No, it isn’t a terrifying freak ink/needle/glove/other-tattoo-equipment allergy. It’s definitely not the old “What happens when you get old and you have a wrinkly old tattoo on your arm? How do you explain that to your grandchildren?” which seems to be the reason my Mum has never gotten a tattoo. It isn’t even the whole pain thing, which is the other reason my Mum hasn’t gotten a tattoo. It is a complex web of reasons, a few of which I will discuss here.

Tattoos go in and out of fashion

Note here the “barcode” tattoo, which was so freaking cool around the time The Matrix came out. I’m just another clone, it said, like all of you, ruled by the man – or am I? I have a cool tattoo that says otherwise. Not so cool anymore. Or the “tramp stamp”, as it’s colloquially known, a pattern of swirly lines and/or waterlilies or some-such prettiness on the base of a girl’s back, just above her arse. Once upon a time these were the height of sexiness and trendiness. Now they aren’t very cool. Aren’t very cool at all.

Similarly, will the next ten years bring with them a disdain on hipster-iffic sleeve tattoos of retro pin up girls and air balloons and bows and whatever other cute kitschy fun you might have printed on your arm? Will those bows you got needled onto the back of your thigh (like permanent stockings, so awesome) become the next “tramp stamp”? Surely if you loved a picture of something enough to put it permanently in your skin you’ll love it enough to not be embarrassed when they’re incredibly uncool, right?

There isn’t a part of my body that I think I could ink.

This may make it look as though I have terrible body image, but I don’t think that there is any part of me that I would deem “nice enough” to get a tattoo put there. Or I just don’t want a tattoo there. My arms are bumpy, freckly and pink. My ankles are too thick and an ankle tattoo might be a little Bogan. I don’t want a tat on my belly in case of pregnancy or weight gain that might cause it to stretch out of shape. My back is the most likely place I’d get one, but it’s too hard for me to see back there, so I don’t know if I’d get one there either. This pretty much leaves me feet and my face, and since apparently your feet is one of the most painful places to get a tattoo and my face is perfectly fine the way it is thank-you-very-much, I really can’t see myself getting a tattoo.

I wouldn’t be able to choose what to put on there, even if I could find somewhere to put it.

I’m a very visual person, and I think if I were to ink (rhymey rhymey) the image I chose would have to be utterly perfect. Where would I get it? What would I get it of? All I know is that it would have to be one of a kind and totally mind-blowing-ly brilliant. Perhaps I could commission an artist to design one for me? They would have to guarantee that it was not only timeless and clever, but also beautiful and deeply powerful in terms of meaning, without being wanky at all. It would also have to help express my bright bubbly personality. Yeah. Good luck, artist I barely know that I found on Etsy. Draw that.

This being said, perhaps when I fall madly in love with someone we might get incredibly-tacky-on-purpose tattoos of each other’s names on our shoulder blades, which if we were to break up we could tackily change a few letters of to make them “mean something else”. Or maybe if I lost someone close to me I might get a small tattoo in his or her memory.

Or maybe if I was attacked by a plague of Bogan zombies I might get a southern cross tattooed on my back or arm. Who knows? All I know is that it doesn’t seem to be something I’m rushing out to do any time soon.

  

Lauren Says:

 

A couple of years ago I worked with a boy who had the most amazingly beautiful tattoos you could ever imagine. Particularly stunning was the tattoo on one arm, which boasted a nearly full sleeve piece of work for which he had travelled to Japan to get inked. It was a Koi fish, quite like the tattoo in the picture to the right, and had been done by a traditional Japanese tattoo artist whose family had been in the inking business for generations. For the first time I saw a tattoo and thought of it as a work of art and, understanding the care, value and financial commitment my friend had put into having it done, a justifiable personal choice. 

During my childhood, tattoos had something of a stigma attached to them. Tattoos were the way criminals were identified on the news, they were a sign of something a little bit dangerous, perhaps a bit seedy and underground. I can’t remember knowing anybody with an actual tattoo until I was in high school at least, and so tattoos became the markings of people ‘different from me’. Men with tattoos were burly, tough and rough and maybe a little hot headed, girls with tattoos were…wait…there were girls with tattoos?!

My upbringing in this respect was not atypical and I was surrounded by, and still am, people who saw a tattoo and didn’t think twice about the automatic negative connotations that sprung to mind. There have been conversations about a friend’s new love interest where talk has stopped short when she’s added, “He has a few tattoos, though…”, and everybody has silently tossed up whether to tell her to run to the hills or to tolerate them and date him anyway. There is an automatic assumption that tattoos say something about a person’s character, something negative, and it’s an association so strong that it makes tattooed people almost seem of a lower class than those not inked.

It is true that as humans we naturally judge people and situations by what we can immediately see, but it’s our chosen and learnt beliefs and values that shape the way we draw conclusions from this visual information. For years it didn’t occur to me that the connection between somebody having a tattoo and their being a ‘bad’ person might not be true, it was I how I was taught to think by my sector of society. As people we hold so many of these beliefs that serve only to limit what we can appreciate in the world around us. It’s a judgment just as paltry as looking down on people for wearing a certain type of clothing or liking a certain type of music, the petty kind of criticisms we like make about the very inconsequential choices and actions of others in order to justify our own choices and make ourselves feel superior.

For those of us who have no intentions of getting tattoos (I deal very poorly with needles, pain and making permanent decisions), it can be hard to understand the thought process that goes into tattooing for most people, but just because we don’t understand it doesn’t make it wrong, or doesn’t mean that there was no thought process going on at all. For my work friend, who saved money for years while he waited on a list to get in with the particular artist that he wanted, whilst pouring over trial pictures and prints until he and the artist decided on an image that was created uniquely for him, his tattoo was an emblem of his personality, his independence and individuality, his values and his preferences. Some people, of course, don’t invest as much time in creating their tattoo, but I highly doubt that there’s a large percentage of the inked population who didn’t give at least some prior thought to the choice they were making before heading to the parlour. 

Over the past few years things have changed for me and my views on tattoos, mainly because I’ve had the opportunity to meet more people with ink and because tattooed bodies have become more prevalent in the media I watch. It’s hard for the belief that tattoos are somehow ‘bad’ to last when so many people you admire have them. Some of my favourite bloggers (Rebecca of The Clothes Horse, Danielle of Sometimes Sweet, Gala Darling) celebrate rad tattoos and I have friends and colleagues who are proud to be inked. Even though I don’t sport one myself, I hope to be able to say that I am a celebrator of tattoo culture and play a part in all the silly prejudice coming to a halt. After all, don’t we have more important things to worry about? PETA seem to think so.

What I've Learnt From The Crazy Sexy Diet

Juice
Juicing is kind of expensive, or at least it felt that way. A lot of the extra veggies I was buying went into making juice, and there is so much of them that you put into the juicer and it only makes a glass-full! I know this is common sense and the basic laws of juicing, but throwing out a tub of vegetable “fibre” every morning takes a toll on someone who doesn’t like to waste. However, it really wasn’t all bad. I found that after a few mornings of green juice I started to get used to the taste, which is amazing considering the main ingredient in my juices was cucumber, a vegetable I really didn’t like too much previously. I’ve actually found myself craving green juice lately, which is, bizarre. Liquid breakfasts have become my norm and I felt almost lost about breakfast when I realised that in a few days time I wouldn’t have to drink my brekky every morning. I feel like I have a clear head and can really focus my energy when I’ve got my green juice and lime-water and meditation pillow and I’m working it, and it’s one of the elements of the diet I plan to keep as part of my every day routine, despite having to wash my juicer!

Veganism
Veganism is one of the things I thought I would have the most trouble with, but as it turned out, it was probably the easiest part of the cleanse to stick with. Despite every so often craving pizza (curse you Jamie’s 30min meals!) or the delicious “Heavenly Nachos” dip from Flannery’s I otherwise found it much easier than I’d anticipated. Eating vegan food out and about was also quite easy, so when I did indulge, I indulged in delicious vegan options. Although I can’t see myself being entirely vegan straight away now that I’m off the cleanse, I definitely plan to cut down on how many eggs and how much cheese I eat, and I’m definitely making the switch to Rice milk permanent. I think it was very clear to me that my digestion suffers when I eat too many animal products, and that it’s better for me (and for the earth) if I work towards cutting down how often I eat them, perhaps even cutting them out entirely.

…Raw, lightly steamed or sautéed vegetables should make up 60%-80% of your plate…
Eating Raw makes it near-impossible to eat out, which, by the way, is something I love doing. Even when ordering salads they usually come with some sort of non-vegan friendly ingredient, like fetta or a creamy dressing, and sometimes when you take an ingredient out and don’t replace it you just end up with a plate full of rocket, which I consider an incredibly depressing sight. The diet doesn’t say “a plate full of salad every meal” it says “a rainbow of coloured vegetables” and that just isn’t available at many restaurants. The closest to the diet (without being the aforementioned plate of rocket) I could find in inner city Brisbane was sushi train, and even then the white rice was an unwelcomed compromise – but compromise I did, because some things are just worth compromising for (especially Shlix ice-cream!). Montezumas restaurant (one of which is located conveniently down my street) has a salad made of broccoli, carrot, parsley, celery, green apple and a whole lotta other vegetables which was a god send on a night when I just didn’t feel like putting in any effort – I just had to ask for it without dressing and cheese – easy peasy!

Knowledge
Following the CSD Adventure Cleanse and writing about it really made me want to know so much more about some of the ideas within the Crazy Sexy Diet philosophy. I watched the documentaries Food Matters and Super Size Me, and I’ve spent a lot of time researching raw foodism and nutrition as health care.  The whole diet has been almost equal parts spiritual, physical and mental; spiritual and emotional – meditation and affirmations, physical – exercise and diet and mental – nutritional (but not in a counting calories every meal and snack kind of way) and learning (from books and docos but also from my body).

Conclusion
I stuck with veganism as much as practicality would allow (about 99% of the time) and I was gluten free except for the soy sauce I ate when eating out and the soba noodles (which at the time I thought were made from gluten free buckwheat…). If I count “wean week” (the week previous to the cleanse where I gradually cut gluten, animal products, processed foods and other acidic food from my diet) I lost 4 kilos.

Coming off the diet I admit I had a rather big blow-out on drinks, Pringles, a crepe, sour-dough baguette and a huge burger and chips from Grill’d, and I hate to say it for all you folks out there who want to believe that what you eat doesn’t make a difference, but I felt lethargic and mentally cloudy all day. Monday morning and I’m straight back on the horse – it just made me feel so good I don’t want to give it up. I won’t be sticking to it quite as strictly as I have for the last three weeks, that would be exhausting and probably socially destructive, but I will follow it as much as I can because the closer I follow it, the better I feel.

In the end I think what I learnt the clearest is that you choose what you put in your mouth. Sure, people and places and books and advertising can suggest something to you to eat, but essentially you have the choice to eat it or abstain from it if you want to. And you don’t have to abstain from “eating the bad things” every time either, because you have the freedom to choose when you want to treat yourself. It’s a diet, not a jail cell, but there also needs to be balance. That balance for me, I think I’ve discovered, has to be healthy, delicious meals made for the greater part of vegetables (raw and cooked) when I’m eating at home with treats once or twice a week, sometimes homemade, sometimes eaten out.



Related Posts: Crazy, Sexy... Diet?, Update Week 1, Update Week 2, Update Week 3

How To: Yoga

Step One: Don't be a donut, obviously.

So, you’ve been thinking lately about yoga? “Fraudulent fad or fabulous fitness?” you ask yourself when you walk past a ‘studio’ and see the rows of grunting, sweating and yet beautifully limber people stretching and sliding and slipping around on coloured mats. It looks simple, but you’ve been told it is a painfully difficult discipline, and you’re not sure where to even begin with finding the right class for you. Well, you’ve come to the right place, my little yogi, let me answer some of your questions. 

What is Yoga?

Yoga Australia gives this definition of yoga: 

“[Yoga] is recognised as an ancient system of belief (a practical philosophy or darsana) derived from the Vedic tradition of India and the Himalayas, more than 2500 years ago. It is a system of belief that recognises the multi-dimensional nature of the human person, and primarily relates to the nature and workings of the mind, based on experiential practice and self-enquiry.”

From a ‘lay person’s’ (meaning not a yoga practitioner) point of view, I would define yoga as a form of exercise that focuses on building your physical fitness by exercising your mental fitness. Confused? In a yoga* class, you move through a series of postures (poses/stretches) that strengthen and stretch your body. Yoga allows and expects the practiser to completely connect their mind with their body, the more you can focus on the pose you are holding and the more you can tune in to your body, the better you become. It teaches you to focus solely on one thing at a time and so trains both body and mind simultaneously. Think of it as a moving meditation. 

Are There Different Types of Yoga?

There are many different types of yoga, too many for me to detail, so I’ll take you through the types I’ve tried myself. 

Hatha Yoga

The term Hatha Yoga actually can be used to describe all yoga, but if you’re looking at taking a Hatha class it will likely be quite a basic form of yoga that takes you through slow, meditative poses. In my experience, Hatha Yoga is lovely and gentle. If you want to feel flexible and relaxed after a class, try Hatha. It’s usually a great type of yoga to try if you’re a beginner as it’s not too physically strenuous or demanding. Don’t think you won’t get a workout with Hatha though, you’ll still be holding poses, stretching and moving.

Bikram Yoga or Hot Yoga

You probably can’t get further away from the description I just gave about Hatha Yoga than Bikram. Bikram Yoga involves completing twenty-six poses, a mixture of standing and floor, and two breathing exercises in a highly structured ninety minute class…all in a 37 degree Celsius room (that’s about 98 in Fahrenheit). Bikram is intense and, so says the people who teach it, intensely good for you. If the instructor is doing their job properly, every Bikram class should be exactly the same, which has its pros and cons. If you’re thinking that the twenty-six poses (you can see them all here) seem deceptively easy looking, you’d be right. Nothing is easy in a room that super heated. That said, when warmed at that level, your muscles become amazingly flexible, and in a Bikram class you’ll find yourself doing things you never thought possible (and sweating more than you’d ever thought possible. We’re talking serious perspiration people!). 

I tried Bikram last year and loved it; I can honestly say I’ve never felt so good during exercise than when I was doing the floor series, especially when I was expecting to feel so bad. It is pretty hardcore stuff, but after growing up as a gymnast that’s the kind of exercise I’m used to. It’s purportedly great for everything from your cardiovascular health to your immune system to stopping junk food cravings, and after going I can see how it might be. If that’s not enough, can I just add that everybody, and I mean every body, looked simply amazing at my Bikram class? There are some ‘rules’ that it’s best to stick to, such as not eating in the two hours before class, so make sure you do your research before heading along. Bikram classes can be expensive, and sadly it isn’t exactly in my current price range, so I have given it up (for now) in lieu of cheaper options. I highly recommend giving Bikram a try if you’re looking for a challenge, but keep in mind it’s not for the faint of heart! 

Vinyasa Yoga

Vinyasa Yoga is the yoga type I currently practice. Like Hatha, Vinyasa Yoga classes can vary a lot depending on the instructor you have. Essentially, Vinyasa focuses heavily on connecting breathing to movement. It can be a bit more aerobically stimulating than a Hatha class, and you should really find yourself stretching, strengthening and sweating. Expect to have some sore muscles after this one, and if you’re looking for a visible (but not Bikram extreme) physical difference, then Vinyasa is the place to start. 

How Do I Go? What Do I Do?

First step to becoming a yoga-god? Do some googling. You need to start by finding out what types of yoga classes are offered in your area, where, for how much and when. Some classes have a ‘first time’ or introductory offer, so you can give it a go at a cheaper rate or without having to buy a whole month or term pass. You might find a class that suits you right away, or you may have to try a few, but the important thing is to give it a solid try.

If you have your own, it’s always a good idea to take your yoga mat with you, if you don’t you might be able to borrow or hire one when you do your class. Wear comfortable exercise clothing, I always find tighter is better than looser because you’re less likely to get entangled with all the twisting going on. As with any exercise, take a water bottle with you and make sure you’re eating correctly to have enough energy to make it through.

 

Will I Look Stupid?

No. You might feel stupid, you might fall or wobble or twist the wrong direction or let out an accidental yoga fart, but everyone in the class was a beginner once and they’ve all been there. Trust me, if they’re doing their practice correctly, no one should be noticing anyone other than themselves. If you go regularly, I find that improvement in yoga is amazingly rapid and pretty soon you’ll feel like a pro (pro-ish. There’ll always be that crazy yoga lady up the front who has been practicing for fifty years and looks like an upsized Praying Mantis to remind you that you’re not a pro yet). 

Every yoga class I’ve been to, even Bikram, has levels within each pose that allow for you to either stop and concentrate on perfecting a basic posture or continue on into a harder pose. You should never feel pressure to work past the level that you feel comfortable with or to do something that’s badly painful or just not right for your body. 

Why Yoga?

Exercise is, generally speaking, something a lot of us need to do more of. Yoga offers a very beneficial and mostly more gentle and relaxing way to do this. Because it’s also so meditative, it is a great treat for your mind as well as your body. Lastly, most yoga is conducted using Sanskrit, which is a beautiful language, and words like asasana and chaturanga dandasana will become part of your vocabulary, for which there are no negatives! 

Yoga might not be right for everyone, but it seems to work for a huge variety of people. If you’re interested then I suggest you get up off the computer and try it out.

Namaste!**

*To be clear, we’re really talking about a Westernized version of yoga here. The term yoga originally was used to describe a religious practice much more heavily centred on meditation and not so much on physical exercise as it is today. There’s widely acknowledge to have been a marriage between more modern and Western exercise and the traditional yoga practiced by Buddhists in what it is we practice now, but hey, why not combine all the good bits of everything, right? 

**Too corny? Probably. Will I change it? Nope.

How To: Meditate

 One of my teachers once told me that Buddhist monks began the practice of joining fore finger to thumb when meditating as a 'self timing' device. When their fingers parted, they knew they had done enough.

Picture found originally here.

I was lucky enough to go to a school that, while Catholic, was quite expansive and progressive in its religion teaching. Not being one myself, I wasn’t supremely interested in the religious studies we did which pertained purely to becoming a better Catholic, but I was really engaged by the other material we studied; profiles of all of the major religions and a few smaller ones, in depth studies of texts and practices and day trips to synagogues, mosques, museums and cemeteries.

During my time at school I had two wonderful teachers who taught us a lot about meditation practice. My interest in meditation really began with them and through my own research and further study has increased. Below are outlined some of my favourite ‘do it yourself’ meditation exercises.

Food Meditation or Eating Mindfully

We always did this meditation at school with Allens Snakes. To this day yellow snakes (only Allens though), are one of my very favourite things to eat. You’ll need food, preferably just one ingredient by itself, say a carrot or piece of cheese (or an Allens Snake!). This meditation uses questioning to keep you focussed and experiencing the present moment.

Method:

*Sit comfortably, close your eyes and focus on breathing deeply and settling your mind some.

*Take the piece of food and lift it to your nose. What does it smell like?

*Put the food in your mouth, but do not chew, just let it rest on your tongue. Does it feel heavy? Is it releasing any flavour?

*Slowly move the food around a little, you can squish it or suck on it if you want. Focus now on the flavour coming from the morsel, what can you taste? Is it sweet or savoury? Salty or creamy?

*Now you can chew the food, but still focus on the textures and flavours you’re experiencing. When you’re done, swallow it. What kind of aftertaste is left?

Listening Meditation

This one’s really simple. I usually find it best to lie down in a still room with the windows open. This is all about listening, so try and make sure there are no really loud televisions or music players near you.

*As you lie, slowly narrow down you’re ‘field’ of listening until you’re focussing only on the sounds your body makes; breathing, beating, pulsing, maybe twitching or lengthening as you ease into relaxation.

*Then, stretch your listening outwards, until you’re focusing on sounds from around the room. Does the furniture shift and settle? Is there a ticking clock or are there any animals making noises?

*Gradually, shift your listening outside the room. Can you hear neighbours talking? Birds in the trees and traffic passing by?

*Now focus on the sounds farthest away from you, see just how far you can hear. *Next you need to draw your listening back in, first into the surrounding outside, then back to your room, then to your own sounds, until all you can hear once again are the noises of your body.

Plain Old Meditation

This year I began practicing what I call ‘plain old mediation’ in earnest. All I literally do is sit on a flat floor cushion, legs crossed (although I don’t see that it would make a difference in a different position if you were sitting up straight and well supported) and breathe. I make sure that my breaths are long and slow, and that the exhalation is the same length as the inhalation (we have a tendency to breathe shorter out than in). Then I slowly start to let go of my thoughts, trying to slow my mind down a little and relax into the stillness until there are no thoughts and all I’m doing is sitting and breathing. I wouldn’t say it’s hard, but it’s not instantly achievable; thoughts whir back up the moment I let myself lose focus or get distracted. It’s definitely not something to get angsty about, and I think that’s where a lot of people get tricked up with mediation; the angrier you get about not being able to ‘do it right’ the more you’ll over think things, when thinking is something you’re trying to get a break from.

I don’t like to put a timer on my mediation, I can usually just tell when I’ve had enough and I think a buzzer or alarm would jar me about. I do like to see sometimes how long I’ve mediated for though, and so far my average is about ten minutes, which I’m pretty impressed by. I find that on the mornings that I do meditate I seem to have hours extra in the day and am incredibly productive. I’m able to focus clearly and don’t try to multitask and spread my energy around all day long. It’s definitely proven a great habit for work outcomes, and I think mentally as well.

I’ve done other types of meditation (think a two hour walking and bowing stint at a Buddhist monk-in-training temple) and have really enjoyed all of them. These three are my basis, DIY at home options, and a good place to start if you’ve never meditated before. Additionally, there are literally hundreds of guided meditation recordings on youtube, and if you’re finding it hard to lead yourself through I recommend you give one a go as well. Happy meditating!

How To: Take Yourself On A Date

Ever felt the need to just get away from, well, everyone else?
Artwork by the fabulously talented Abbey McCulloch

I could rave on about the reasons why people who are comfortable spending time alone with themselves are happier, more successful and have deeper and more meaningful relationships with others. I could write for hours about how our society doesn’t cater for our need for time out with ourselves, and get precious about how it’s turning us into a bunch of shallow, unstable, unaware gadabouts. I could whinge about how celebrity culture attacks any want to get to know, like or accept ourselves and grows instead a burgeoning need to want to be like somebody else.

Or I could just tell you what I know as a plain old truth, and that is that making the decision to regularly and purposefully spending time outside of the house doing things by myself was one of the best decisions I have made in my adult life.

Tips and Tricks for Dating Yourself

*Do it purposefully; plan your solo adventure and get excited about it. Write it in your diary and make it a resolute booking. There’s nothing better for the self-confidence than demonstrating that you value your own time.

*Do something you know you’ll enjoy because a) it’s easier to forget about being conscious of your loner-ness if you’re having fun and b) because there will be no other time when you’ll be allowed the selfishness to do something exactly the way you want it.

* In regards to other people: it takes time to realise that other people out there really just are not paying attention to you all the time, even if you are alone. But if you’re not convinced, or the gazes of others, imagined or otherwise, are making you nervous, take five minutes to listen in to the conversations going on around you. Did any of them start with, “Well gee…I think that girl next to us is here by herself!”? No? Of course not. I think that mostly we worry about what we’ll think of ourselves once we’re in a place where there’s no one else to obsess over.

* Wear your favourite outfit. Today you’re dressing for your eyes only, so impress yourself.

Where to go:

Places to Start With, or, Places I’ve Found Easy –

Movies

Theatre

Art Galleries

Café

Picnics

Libraries

All of these places are completely great choices for attending solo, there’s no real expectation that you’ll be there with other people and there’s little routine to fit in to, so you can come and go as you please.

Places for a Challenge, or, Places I’ve Found More Difficult –

Small venue art exhibition openings

Bars

Public conferences

Antiques shopping

These guys have challenged me in the past. The first three involve situations in which people really do expect you to mingle with them, not such a good way to kick into really getting introspective, and the last I’ve just found depressing when done alone for more than an hour.

What to do:

As I said before, anything that takes your fancy. Want to get icecream as you stroll down the street toward the cheap pedicure place? Do it. Want to go for a beach swim before heading to the local grocer and buying all the things you need for a picnic for one? Why not?

Why:

Spending time with yourself is a guaranteed way to give you a little perspective on life, especially if it’s been a bit stressful. Sometimes we can get so caught up in what other people say and want and think that we forget to chill out, think relatively and take pause. Taking a few hours to go out completely alone will give you time to reassess and make sure your life is still headed in the direction you want.

I really enjoy going out alone, I think of it almost as a regular, fun form of meditation. Learning about yourself can be a challenge, and doing anything that forces you to face up to yourself and really observe what’s going on can be scary. But it’s necessary, it’s the only way we can give ourselves permission to carry on with our full blessing. So go on, get out there!

Why I Don't Do Guilty Pleasures

The Gilmore Girls never felt guilty about their pleasures, neither shall I!
(Image found here)

A close friend once told me that the reason they liked me was because of how much I liked the things I liked; that I had a unique set of preferences and wasn’t afraid to show them. To this day, I count this as one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received. Partly, I loved being told this because it aligned so closely with the kind of self assured, confident woman I’ve always wanted to grow up to be, partly because I don’t quite feel I’m there yet, but it’s nice to know that others do.

What we like and dislike, our tastes and preferences, define who we are. The clothes you like to wear say something about you, as do the foods you choose to eat, the company you keep and the entertainment you seek (clearly, I like to rhyme!). The challenge, though, is living out these preferences honestly and without shame.

For example, I really like watching Gilmore Girls. I like it because it was the only television show on air when I was growing up that had a lead character my age who was lauded for being smart, for working hard and for being ambitious whilst still being cute, funny and fun. I like it because it’s well written, because over the whole seven seasons there is still a continuous through line, and the plot doesn’t grow overly ridiculous. I like it because of the fast paced dialogue, which drives so many people crazy, because it works at the same rate as my brain and it makes me laugh. I like it because I get it, it’s comforting and entertaining.

I know a lot of other people who like watching Gilmore Girls as well. So many of them, though, mark down their time watching it as ‘guilty pleasure’ time, as something that’s a bit naughty, a bit bad for them or a bit silly. It’s something they might not bring up in conversation, or write about on their blog, per se. This denial of what they like, this pushing down and feeling embarrassed about expressing their own personality really bothers me.

I think the term ‘guilty pleasure’ directly aligns with our culture’s need to never be satisfied with who we are and what we have. Rather than celebrating that we are avid fans of reading romance novels, or that instead of visiting the hip, out of the way restaurant with a fancy pants menu we’d rather stay at home and make burgers, we hide who we are and pretend to be someone else instead because that’s what the cool/successful/rich/happy people do. Especially the happy people. We’re constantly being told, either through advertising or by the people around us, what it is we should like doing, and also what it is we shouldn’t. But we need to learn that doing what we don’t like and denying ourselves what we do won’t make us happy at all, it will only make us miserable, bored and unsatisfied.

Of course, a lot of the time guilt is attached to things we like doing is because we do these things at inappropriate times or in inappropriate ways. For example, dressing up in cute outfits and playing with my wardrobe is something I find fun, however it’s hard to enjoy it properly if I’m doing it during the time I’m meant to be cleaning the kitchen, and I know that in a few hours time I’ll just be left with a room that looks like a clothes bomb exploded and some annoyed housemates who wanted to cook unhampered by yesterday’s dishes. It’s not the playing with clothes that’s the bad in this situation, however, it’s the choices I made to get there. But we associate the guilt with the pleasure, instead of taking the blame for our silly choices (it would always be so easy to clean first, play dress ups later), and reinforce the idea that we shouldn’t be proud of doing what makes us happy.

I’m a big believer in nothing being more attractive than confidence and knowing and expecting what you deserve, and no one being more interesting than the person who speaks their mind honestly and commits to making their life cheerful. I’m not always the best practiser, though. From now on, I’m trying to be more true to myself, to not get embarrassed about who I am and what I like and to also be very careful to not judge others who are trying to do the same. If you’d like to join me, why don’t we start off by making this comment section a place to share what it is we really love, and begin to work at being proud of it.

(ps. Sarah Wilson wrote an article of a similar vein last week that you might like to check out here, too.)