Watching All The Tom Cruise Movies Ever Made: An Update

Awhile ago I posted about my New Year’s Resolution to Watch Every Tom Cruise Movie Ever Made. Well, I thought it was time for an update as to how that was actually going.

When I told friends and family about my awesome resolution, people scoffed. “You could do that in a week!” they cried. I laughed right back at them, knowing that they were severely underestimating my capacity to get sidetracked. So far I have watched three of the thirty-five, but fear not, I’m a long haul kinda gal and am in no way inexperienced at sprinting to the end of races or year long movie marathons. 

The three films I chose to watch first were chosen because of perceived epicness and convenience and will be judged accordingly. 

A Few Good Men 

A Few Good Men has a crazy cast. Before I had the pleasure of viewing for myself, when I thought of the movie I thought of Tom, obviously, and Jack Nicholson. Did I think of Kevin Bacon? Demi Moore? Christopher Guest? No. Because no one had ever bothered to mention the epicness of A Few Good Men’s credits. Shame on you society. 

The film was actually being shown on New Year’s Day night on television, and taking it as a sign that my resolutions were well aligned with the universe’s mystical workings, I decided to stay home and watch. Was this a convenient choice? Nope. A Few Good Men is a long, long, long movie. Made longer by ad breaks and my post New Year’s sleepiness, I can’t say I really enjoyed the experience of falling asleep slowly only to jerk awake to the image of Tom Cruise drunkenly blubbering or Jack Nicholson taking part in a spit-spreading competition. I do remember, though, hazily thinking that if I was awake it would probably have been quite a good film, so there’s some points there.

Final Judgement: Epic? YES. Convenient? No.

Best Moment: The moment when you think Tom might just dump Demi for a uniformed Kevin Bacon.

Worst Moment: Every time Demi Moore sighed, shook her head, and offered up absolutely no ideas. Way to win it for the girls, Demi. 

The Outsiders 

It should be noted that Tom Cruise is hardly in this movie. Also hardly appearing are Rob Lowe, Emilio Estevez and Tom Waits. Patrick Swayze is cool and gets a few more lines. 

It’s an odd movie, kind of seamless and a little short on the plot detail. Things just…happen…in The Outsiders, and the movie tries very little to explain itself. It’s refreshing, but also a little perplexing at the same time. I watched it while I was holed up in my apartment for a week, not able to leave due to the crazy-time floods, and so maybe my cabin fever was starting to set in while I watched. I kind of liked it and kind of didn’t, and I think it’s one I’d recommend to people just to watch their faces crease confusedly as mine did. 

Final Judgement - Epic: In terms of very minor roled supporting cast? Yes. Convenient: If you’re stranded in your house while infesty water rises and slowly swallows your for days on end, sure, why not. 

Best Moment: I’m not sure, did I like any moments?
 

Worst Moment: Ditto. 

Top Gun

I watched it, I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t buy the T-shirt. To be honest, I don’t think the phrase over-hyped could be better applied to any other phenomenon. Have they just used the same footage of planes flying and crashing and flying and flying over and over and over again? I think so. Do all of the bits that look really good on ‘Top Ten Movie Moments Ever’ clips make absolutely no sense in context? None whatsoever. Why do people like this movie??

Final Judgement - Epic Rating: This film is pretty epically repetitive. Convenience: Not very if you’re already afraid of flying. 

Best Moment: “They were abused children”. This made me laugh. Funny character’s name is Goose. After this my laughter switched subtly from with the movie to at the movie.

Worst Moment: The sex scene. Okay, so some people think it’s hot. And maybe I would have thought so if I hadn’t been so completely taken out of the moment at the point where she started licking his chin. WHY DID SHE DO THAT? WHO DOES THAT? DO YOU DO THAT? I DON’T!

So You're Talking 'Bout a Resolution*

New Year’s resolutions. I like them. No matter how many statistics people wave in my face about the number that are not kept, swept out of mind on Jan 2 like the dust I sometimes ever so casually sweep underneath my dishwasher, I still like the idea that at least once a year the majority of people take a step back in order to really have a look at their lives. I like it that people take a moment to think about changing things for the better. Call me old fashioned, naive or too romantic, I just can’t help thinking that this can’t be a bad thing.

This year, I’ve made some pretty big resolutions of my own. Some are private, so I won’t be sharing, but some are just plain awesome and I feel almost obligated to divulge, in case you want to join in on all the fun for yourself. So, without further ado, I reveal to you my most awesome resolution idea to date:

Watch All The Tom Cruise Movies Ever Made (™**)

There is only one word needed to describe this resolution: Winner. This is the perfect resolution. It has everything people try to achieve when making resolutions, all rolled into one. Let me break it down for you:

Self Improvement: Tom Cruise. Whatever you think of him, there’s no denying he’s been in quite a few of the classic modern films. And, just as reading the classics is considered to improve the mind, having a first hand knowledge of classic movies is increasingly considered valuable in many social circles. You know those friends you have who sit down once a week and have their own private ‘film festivals’, then casually (constantly) drop into conversation the names of all the films they’ve ever seen? By Watching All The Tom Cruise Movies Ever Made™, you’re actually doing the same thing, but you’re not being a wanker about it, you’re maybe just watching one(more on my personal views of Tom later).

When watching Tom’s movies, you will access a surprisingly wide cross section of Western film. You experience the work of great directors, view stunning performances by many other actors besides Tom and hear some of the best loved sound tracks of all time. Tom is not limited by genre or quality, he is not bound by style or substance. Tom is a man for all movies, and all movies is what we want to get a handle on.

Fun: The ultimate goal of this resolution is to watch thirty-six movies with one common variable in one year. Enough. Said.

Giving Back: How will Watching All The Tom Cruise Movies Ever Made™ help you to give back to the world in which we all live? With the best medicine ever prescribed: laughter. Before you know it you’ll be the funny guy/gal at the office, quoting Tom Cruise movies with hilarious timing, being all “You can’t handle the truth!” in your colleagues faces.

Also, I assume you’ll of course be watching all these movies in a legal way that you'll have to put out for financially…and some of the money made from your movie watching will eventually work its way back to Tom himself, a man many call a basket case in desperate need of help. Therefore in the eyes of those people, you’ll be a saint for pitching in, right?

For my conclusion, in case I haven’t convinced you enough, I want leave you with this video made by someone who goes simply by the name Tomsessed, a person with much more Tom Cruise experience than even I ever hope to have. May we all one day be this dedicated to a cause.

*I know it’s a fair way after New Year’s now, but I always feel like no one really kicks off the year in earnest until March, so it might be time to re-think the old annual goals anyway.

**One day when Watching All The Tom Cruise Movies Ever Made™ becomes a form of social therapy, I just want to be recognised as being a pioneer in the field…