Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Watching All The Tom Cruise Movies Ever Made: An Update

Awhile ago I posted about my New Year’s Resolution to Watch Every Tom Cruise Movie Ever Made. Well, I thought it was time for an update as to how that was actually going.

When I told friends and family about my awesome resolution, people scoffed. “You could do that in a week!” they cried. I laughed right back at them, knowing that they were severely underestimating my capacity to get sidetracked. So far I have watched three of the thirty-five, but fear not, I’m a long haul kinda gal and am in no way inexperienced at sprinting to the end of races or year long movie marathons. 

The three films I chose to watch first were chosen because of perceived epicness and convenience and will be judged accordingly. 

A Few Good Men 
A Few Good Men has a crazy cast. Before I had the pleasure of viewing for myself, when I thought of the movie I thought of Tom, obviously, and Jack Nicholson. Did I think of Kevin Bacon? Demi Moore? Christopher Guest? No. Because no one had ever bothered to mention the epicness of A Few Good Men’s credits. Shame on you society. 

The film was actually being shown on New Year’s Day night on television, and taking it as a sign that my resolutions were well aligned with the universe’s mystical workings, I decided to stay home and watch. Was this a convenient choice? Nope. A Few Good Men is a long, long, long movie. Made longer by ad breaks and my post New Year’s sleepiness, I can’t say I really enjoyed the experience of falling asleep slowly only to jerk awake to the image of Tom Cruise drunkenly blubbering or Jack Nicholson taking part in a spit-spreading competition. I do remember, though, hazily thinking that if I was awake it would probably have been quite a good film, so there’s some points there.

Final Judgement: Epic? YES. Convenient? No.

Best Moment: The moment when you think Tom might just dump Demi for a uniformed Kevin Bacon.

Worst Moment: Every time Demi Moore sighed, shook her head, and offered up absolutely no ideas. Way to win it for the girls, Demi. 

The Outsiders 
It should be noted that Tom Cruise is hardly in this movie. Also hardly appearing are Rob Lowe, Emilio Estevez and Tom Waits. Patrick Swayze is cool and gets a few more lines. 

It’s an odd movie, kind of seamless and a little short on the plot detail. Things just…happen…in The Outsiders, and the movie tries very little to explain itself. It’s refreshing, but also a little perplexing at the same time. I watched it while I was holed up in my apartment for a week, not able to leave due to the crazy-time floods, and so maybe my cabin fever was starting to set in while I watched. I kind of liked it and kind of didn’t, and I think it’s one I’d recommend to people just to watch their faces crease confusedly as mine did. 

Final Judgement - Epic: In terms of very minor roled supporting cast? Yes. Convenient: If you’re stranded in your house while infesty water rises and slowly swallows your for days on end, sure, why not. 

Best Moment: I’m not sure, did I like any moments?
Worst Moment: Ditto. 

Top Gun
I watched it, I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t buy the T-shirt. To be honest, I don’t think the phrase over-hyped could be better applied to any other phenomenon. Have they just used the same footage of planes flying and crashing and flying and flying over and over and over again? I think so. Do all of the bits that look really good on ‘Top Ten Movie Moments Ever’ clips make absolutely no sense in context? None whatsoever. Why do people like this movie??

Final Judgement - Epic Rating: This film is pretty epically repetitive. Convenience: Not very if you’re already afraid of flying. 

Best Moment: “They were abused children”. This made me laugh. Funny character’s name is Goose. After this my laughter switched subtly from with the movie to at the movie.

Worst Moment: The sex scene. Okay, so some people think it’s hot. And maybe I would have thought so if I hadn’t been so completely taken out of the moment at the point where she started licking his chin. WHY DID SHE DO THAT? WHO DOES THAT? DO YOU DO THAT? I DON’T!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...