How To: Make Not Buying Clothes Work For You

Source: amylouiseag

(As written in early April, while I was still a long way off my mad shopping antics of the last two weeks... Let's just say I went into Hawaii with a suitcase that weighed 15kg, and came home with one that weighed 23kg, and a new carry on that weighed 7kg, plus another bag filled to over flowing... Outlet shopping and the high Aussie Dollar are partly to blame.)

The last time I bought any clothes was a fortnight ago, when, horrified, the zip on my strapless top began to break in the middle of Queen Street Mall. I quickly dashed into the nearest open clothing store (Supre, unfortunate as that is) and searched for something that I might be able to wear more than once, while the girls I was with played the “shirt or skirt, shirt or dress” game. I bought a leopard print top (which it turns out is actually designed to be a dress. I don't think I’ll ever wear it as a dress…). This, a white cami (my old one went through the wash and came out a pink cami) and one other top is all the clothing I’ve bought since October. This is a big change from my uni days where I’d buy a new clothing item once or twice a week.

Whether you’ve made the decision to stop buying clothes for environmental reasons, spiritual lent-type reasons, or the decision was made for you by your pay packet, changing from shopaholic to new-cloth-aphobe can be a difficult and painful experience. Clothes are so pretty and nice and wonderful, and dressing yourself well is an important part of making a good impression and it’s an outward sign of your self-value.

So how do you maintain your image as a stylish and sophisticated young person when you’re conscience or bank balance starts getting in the way?

• - Rediscover your wardrobe: Where are the old items you used to love, and why don’t you wear them anymore? If some of them need mending, hop to it! Chances are if you were to replace it the new item wouldn’t be as good as the original anyway. What about the items in your ‘drobe that you bought but have only worn once? I’m sure you bought them for a reason. Perhaps it’s time to let them have a second chance?
• - Avoid going shopping for the first few weeks. At first you’ll love the new enviro-conscious/fiscally responsible you, but soon those old demons will come back to haunt you. You’ll feel as though any outfit you put together would be better if only you had some other item you haven’t bought yet, and wearing them as they are will seem like a boring let down, despite the fact that you wore them without the desired item many times before and it looked awesome anyway. Chances are that in the first two weeks of your new shopping attitude it will seem as though your friends will invite you to shop more than they ever have. But stay strong, and avoid when possible!
• - Get into cooking. This might seem like a ridiculous idea for many of you, especially if “a big night slaving over a hot stove” results in chicken nuggets, tomato sauce, steamed peas and carrots and piece of bread. But cooking is a great way to temporarily shift your mind and creativity away from fashion. It’s a great skill to have and in this day and age of eating out and ordering in, culinary skill is next to godliness. If you’re a stranger to the kitchen start out small and work your way up! Borrow Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals or get your hands on an easy baking Women’s Weekly cookbook. And when people ask you if you wore that outfit already once this week, you can distract them with your mesmerisingly delicious crème brulee! Haha, foiled you again, fashion police!
• - Focus on your body and skin care. After all, you can have the most stylish outfit in the world but if you don’t glow from the inside out, it’ll never meet it’s mind-blowing potential. Download a free meditation podcast, hit the gym, make your nails beautiful or buy a new hair or face mask. Focus on drinking lots of water to make your skin sing! Who needs new clothes when you look this good? 

How To: Update Your Personal Style (In Particular, Your Wardrobe)

Most of us agree that our personal style is important and that how we present ourselves outwardly affects both how we feel inwardly and how the world at large treats us. As we go about our lives, we naturally update our beliefs, routines and values as our range of experiences broadens, but how do we go about updating our personal style to suit the new person we’ve become?

“‘Style’ is an expression of individualism mixed with charisma.” John Fairchild

All images in this post are taken from my own personal 'style inspiration file'. Most are quite old and I haven't saved the sources, so if you know where they come from please let me know and I will credit them properly immediately.

Personal style is just that; it’s personal and as such it should be unique. The clothing you choose to wear should say something about the person you’re trying to be, what you value and what you like. Sometimes, though, what we wear can become a bit out of step with who we really are. Taking time to recalibrate your wardrobe and style to make sure it aligns with the persona you’d like to be portraying can make a world of difference to your confidence and to how people perceive you.

Questions To Consider When Updating Your Style:

What Makes You Comfortable?

When it comes to looking good in any clothing, comfort is key. We all have different thresholds for clothing comfortability tolerance; some people will only be happy when wearing the cosiest of clothing, while others will sacrifice sore toes to wear high heels all night because it makes them feel special and confident. The important thing is to understand your limits and needs before picking out clothes. For example, I detest wearing anything tight around my waist that might slip down constantly or will stop me from sitting or standing comfortably. I know that if I’m trying on a dress that’s completely unfitted, and the sales assistant tells me it’s made to look great with a belt cinching it in, it’s not the dress for me.

Nothing is less attractive than a person whinging about the clothes/shoes/accessories that they chose to wear, and nothing makes you lose confidence faster than feeling like you can’t pull off the outfit you’re wearing. Before you do any shopping, swapping or restyling, make sure you have a think about what you actually like to wear and what you don’t.

What Makes You Confident/What Makes You Feel Good?

Chances are you already own one outfit that you really love to wear, that makes you feel strong, happy, invincible and independent. It might be the special combination of pieces that you save for job interviews, it might be the one dress you’ve worn every time you’ve had a fantastic night out dancing, it might be your wedding outfit or the clothes you put on for the days when you need to do some super productive studying at home before exams. Have a think about that outfit and what it is that makes it special to you, whether it’s the cut, the material, the design or the story behind your ownership of it so that you can incorporate some of those aspects into your everyday wardrobe. After all, saving the strong, happy, invincible and independent outfits for special just means that you spend a whole bunch of days in between big events feeling pretty mediocre.

What Inspires You?

I find that I draw most of my style inspiration from what I can see around me, and with style being such a visual and emotive medium, it’s easy to see why this is a common finding. Often I will be inspired by movie characters, the pictures of people attached to really interesting interviews or by someone I see on the street or on the internet.

When you see a style or outfit you like, something that you just can’t get out of you head, have a think about what it is that attracts you to it. It might be the colour scheme, the silhouette, the panache of the wearer or the hint of the attitude that person is exuding. Understanding why you like what you like will help you understand how you can incorporate these inspirations into your own daily style. 

What Do You Have Already?

You might be starting to think that this style update thing is going to cost you a pretty penny, but it shouldn’t have to. Make sure you have a good sort through the clothes that you already have, giving the items that you don’t want to wear anymore to friends or charity (after all, one man’s worn out, ill fitting suit is another man’s vintage treasure). Chances are a lot of what you already own will fit in with your new style direction already, or will with a little tweaking. You were still you when you bought it all, after all, and a style update doesn’t necessarily mean complete personality overhaul.

What Is Your Plan?

If you’ve decided that what you’d like to be your style and what you’re actually wearing just don’t match up, it might be time for a bit of shopping. You might be cheering, you might be groaning, but either way if it’s new clothes you need then you’ll have to get them from somewhere. The best way to combat problems in this area (overspending/fitting room angst/buying items that fall outside of the style you’ve just decided you’re going for) is to have pre-formulated a good plan.

You need firstly to decide upon a budget. Spending more than you can afford or shopping in stores way out of your price range is not going to make you feel good about yourself, and thus will defeat the entire purpose of this activity. Know how much you are happy to spend before you spend it and if you think your will power might be tested, make sure you only have that amount accessible to you.

You also need to keep in mind that moderation is key here, remembering how fast your tastes can change. It would be silly to spend thousands of dollars kitting yourself out with a full leather wardrobe to perfect the tough rockstar chic look you have in mind for this winter, if by next year you’ll be all about flower power and making daisy chains not war. My rule of thumb is to buy two or three new, good quality pieces at the beginning of winter and then again at summer, with the possibility of adding some new basics (for me; singlets to be layered, colourful tights, cardigans) if need be.

Think about how the new items you buy might match with what you already own. There’s no point in buying a whole bunch of separates that clash with each other and then having to buy more new items to match them just so you can wear them.

Your clothing is of course only one aspect of your style, and it’s certainly possible to wear clothes that you absolutely love without loving yourself in them. To have a truly unique-to-you style means understanding who you really are and accepting it, because otherwise you’ll always just be playing dress up as the person you think you should be. My last tip; there is nothing more stylish than a person who respects themselves and is not afraid to show it.

Awkward Equals Feminine

Is the rise of the 'socially awkward' girl a dangerous fashion or a flighting fad?

Searching back through my consciousness, I can’t pinpoint the moment when I first heard someone label themselves as ‘socially awkward’ or ‘socially retarded’. But I do know that I never questioned the choice, I completely bought this new brand of cool hook, line and sinker.

At first this language and labelling didn’t trouble me, in fact I rejoiced in there being a popular social movement that I could easily slot into. As a late teen it was so easy to define any lack of self confidence as cute awkwardness or a disregard for having social skills. You could clumsily kill a conversation with a cute boy or alienate an important connection during introductions and instead of being humiliating it would add to your cool cred. The more it went on the more deliberate sabotaging of social situations became almost like a sport. I knew friends who would happily boast about how awkward or tactless they might be, when in actual fact they were some of the most confident and out going people I had encountered. Being socially awkward became less of a trait and more of a style, and it was just about as chic as you could get.

As I got a bit older and moved away from spending every waking moment surrounded by a gaggle of friends, though, this attitude became less convenient. I learnt quickly that if I didn’t make a move towards confidence I would also never make any new friends or work connections. Making doe eyes and shyly not answering questions just doesn’t impress the directors of theatre companies or actors that you might one day want to hire. There’s actually not much room for cute in our fast paced world, and if it’s hard work getting you to elicit some semblance of an intelligent response to the most basic questions, then people will quickly pass you by.

So I grew a bit of a spine and moved on from this particular phase, probably a process that most people would call growing up. I wouldn’t say that I’m the definition of cool, calm and collected, but I’ve certainly changed the way I view social interactions in the last couple of years. I’ve also changed my mind about this trend depicting awkwardness as the height young femininity and what it means for my generation.

The awkwardness fad seems to be linked to being ‘girly’. It plays on the idea that ‘hot boys like smart girls’, and that there’s something mysterious and alluring about the quiet girl in the corner. More than just a traditional sex thing, though, is the rivalry it builds between female friends. It’s not exactly expressed outright, but it’s pretty clear to see that the girl who is the most quirky and off-centre (read: off putting) is the one who is winning at this sort of opposite social interaction game; the more inept your people skills, the higher you rise.

Developing as a group of twenty-somethings, particularly twenty-something girls, who don’t want to fend for themselves socially, who think nothing of offending people or humiliating themselves because they can just pass it over as cool, is worrying. Deliberately pretending to not have opinions, personality or confidence is no way to work towards having fair and stimulating relationships with other people. Regardless of how much it makes them want to pinch your cheeks, it’s fair to say this kind of behaviour doesn’t inspire many people to respect you.

But maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe this is just my version of those who cried, “His hips are a portal for the devil!” about Elvis Presley. After all when I google ‘socially awkward’ I just get a bunch of pictures about Kristen Stewart and un-clever memes, neither really making me anxious about the state of young girls’ ability to socially interact. Or maybe it’s just a thing that happens amongst the people that I mix with, a very tiny dissection of society to be sure…but I just don’t think so.

As I try to understand this movement and our motivations when subscribing to it, I am puzzled. I think maybe we are all just a little bit scared about having to grow up and be ‘women’ now, whatever that means these days, and we’ve realised that there’s a way out of it. It’s kind of a Peter Pan ideal for girls, involving emulating the three year old with the wide eyes and pout hiding behind her mother’s skirt and not answering the “big adults’ questions”.

I have to ask, when did we start excusing being scared with being awkward and shy, when did we decide that that was a good choice to make? Shy girls have long held their place on the social spectrum, yes, but this obviously isn’t all true shyness. It’s playing pretend about how strong and poised we can really be, and it’s damaging to our image as a whole and as individuals.